Absolutum Crappum

Now that the elections are over and everyone is aware of the results... If you wanna have fun go ahead and read this post. Had you seen this post earlier you might very well taken for granted/convinced yourself that BJP would have come to power (Assuming that you are BJP supporter). Even if you are not a BJP supporter just have fun reading it :). Even though the authors other works look very intelligent and appealing, this work seems to be the height of creativity and ofcourse a trash (Since the results have come now, i take liberty in calling it a trash)

The wait is over....

For those who thought that I am extinct in this Blog world… Here I am... Alive. In person… Writing. And "The wait" is finally over.. Not that I have come from self imposed hibernation to write a blog. Its been two months and 3 days to be precise since I wrote my last blog. So does "The wait" mean that I have nothing to say?? There has been too much happening around and seriously there is no reason not to blog. There is no need to list out in Bullet points or in Power point the top 5 reasons why I disappeared from the Blog world because the only reason I can ascribe is my indolence. :-) .

Even though end of "The wait" can be attributed to my long hibernation and my subsequent blog entry thereof , what I refer to as "The wait" is ending of The Great Indian Elections for the 15th Lok Sabha , an exercise that took more than a month involving huge logistics and security and an equally interesting run up throughout various phases (Thanks to the News Channels). They made this run up very interesting on par with IPL 2nd Edition if not greater. Unfortunately I was not able to see the finals of Great Indian Elections because I was kidnapped by known coterie of people to an undisclosed location near Mahabalipuram and made to do some sacrilegious acts :-) (I am planning to cover this as a separate blog)

Fortunately I had a Mobile with me on that day to get myself updated with the latest election results. I called my brother to ask about the election results only to be mocked at.
He asked me "Vote pannadhavannuku ellam ennathuku election results kekudhu…. " ."Why there is a need to know about the election results for people who haven’t cast his vote."

I know he is technically wrong but that was in no mood to tell him that why he was technically wrong. And the reason why he mocked at me is that I casted 49(O) . It means that I don’t want to vote for any candidate (Planning to cover this as a separate blog).

Ok. Congratulations to the UPA for coming out with a thumping majority. Not that I am a big fan of UPA or the Congress. U know that I voted for 49(O). At least we are now clear that there is a government at the centre that will stay in power for 5 full years without any hiccups. I am happy that the Left has been left out.

I am not going to post-mortem analysis the reasons for the victory (of UPA) and the loss(of NDA) nor I am an expert in that. It is easy to do an analysis in retrospect than to do an analysis looking at things in hindsight. I leave the difficult job for the experts and I will look things from a retrospective view. So here is my sense why NDA might have lost out.

Even though there were many "real issues", BJP once again carried on with their same rhetoric of Bofors, Anti Sikh Riots, Hindutva, illegal money stashed in Swiss Accounts… so on and so forth. My question is did these things really matter for the electorate.

May be bofors, illegal money stashed in Swiss Accounts appealed to the intelligentsia of journalists sitting in the Air-conditioned room doing a left, right and centre analysis. May be it would have appealed to the intelligentsia sitting in the high rise buildings of Bandra and Nariman point who can light virtual candles but cannot come to vote. But I don’t think I really mattered to the common man. Similarly is the case with dead Bofors. One should appreciate the wily Karunanidhi in this. Rice for Rs 2/kg does really makes sense than the Swiss accounts and the Bofors. For nearly 300 crore people in India are living under 2$ per day. And local issues did matter much than the nuclear deal or Bofors.

As far as Tamilnadu is concerned, Vijayakanth was a major factor in the verdict going for the UPA. He split the vote in most of the constituencies in spite of losing the deposit. Better luck Jayalalitha. I think he will eternally be splitting the votes unless he forms some sort of alliance.

Hmm... Ok thatz it for now… C you later in my next Blog :)

A tale of Three Wars

It was a daring mission that America took after the 9/11 attacks on the World Trade Center.

The Mission: To promote peace, progression and betterment of society and evolution of humanity.

The Means: War.

The means to the end may appear contradictory but one may acknowledge had one looked at the underlying reasons to adopt the means. It was because Iraq and Afghanistan were ruled by fascists and fanatics which required nothing short of a military means.

America raided Iraq with one mission. Before the raid on Iraq, they produced compelling evidence to the world and made the world believe that Iraq had Weapons of Mass Destruction (WMD) that were never to be found. The means to bring down Saddam's government. Though successful, they failed to justify the means.

Also Americans have made that place one of the dangerous place to live in. They have made the country more fragile and susceptible to terrorist attacks. Iraq was not a terrorist haven but Americans have made it one.

But thanks to America, people Iraq is beginning to see the light at the end of the tunnel. They are on their trajectory to become a democracy which otherwise they would have never achieved . Had not for America, people of Iraq would have never stained their fingers as a proof to show to the world that they have voted in an election.

If one place where a majority would have approved of a war on terror is Afghanistan. It is one place that really needs the American drones. The combo of Osama & Taliban made this terrain simply unsafe. What might happen without American presence is simply out of imagination. But Americans are paying the price for creating their Frankenstein's monsters.

It is amusing, intriguing, perplexing (add other whole lot of Adjectives...) to observe how the human mind drives a person who can go the very end to create a political (read terror) revolution and achieve to what he has committed. LTTE's Prabakaran can be a fitting example to this. Even after considered down and out by everyone, he surprised everyone by dropping bombs on the Sri Lankan capital.

Prabakaran is only an example in the never ending list of Osamas, Mulla Omars, Saddam Husseins . Actually even what they really want is Peace & Happiness (If one looks Even beyond the greed for Power) whether it is Srilanka or Iraq or Afghanistan or America. And there were (and are) other people who also wanted Peace and Happiness for fellow beings and achieved what they wanted. They are the likes of Mahatma Gandhi, Martin Luther King, and Nelson Mandela. They traversed the Road Not Taken and that made all the difference. Made the difference between evolution and devolution. Progression and Regression.

Dhruv's brickbats

It was one of those days i would like to forget (Apart from the days I took CAT..no pun intended) i thought i did a terrible mistake(No 1) by taking a bus to my home....While i was trying to recover my brain after a long day's work at the office through a nice pint of music with my iPOD ear buds on, first monster came in the form of Dr Karunanidhi..

Why would this man rather not meet his wellwishers in private in his house than disrupt public?? Mr Karunanidhi had come to his party headquarters after a month long vacation at the Apollo. And the whole gang of sychophant(not all) welwishers ganged in front of Anna arivalayam.... He costed 20-25 minutes of public time.. Though not a bigger duration.. its enough to make the people feel the pain in the knee...

It was as if the previous delay was not enough... Another monster in the name of Dr Ramadoss took to the streets close to my neighbourhood and its repurcussions were heard and seen much beyond 15 km radius of his meeting... There was a huge pile up of traffic for over several km... The pile up resembled this very woodcutter chopping of trees near Thindivanam and crippling public services.... Thanks to this man.. a distance of 2 km to be covered in 5-10 mins took full 2 hours... This was more than enough to make the people feel the pain in the ***. How about a nice punch like above for them ??? :-)

Thankfully i took an intelligent decision of walking to the nearest railway station even if it was a bit long... One of my cousin was also an unfortunate victim of this public crippling exercise... and reached his home 1 am next day...

Romance of the Rails

I am sure this post will rekindle a lot of cherished memories of your train travel. After all, who wouldn’t like the romance of the rails. Think about the excitement had you got a window seat. What a bonus!!!. I am sure they will kindle the kid in you :-) . Personally, I would not approve the same with flight journeys. Even though I was pretty much excited during my first flight journey to UK, when I boarded back to India, it was more of a nightmarish feeling. The reason for the nightmare: A flight accident that occured a week back before my start.

 

Train journeys are a great experience in themselves and a great leveller .You get to interact with a lot of people. This is especially true in India when you travel either horizontally or vertically across India. Except for the train and some of your fellow passengers, almost everything right from the food to language, dress to appearance et al.. is bound to change. Although I have the privilege of travelling by suburban train daily, I do more so to avoid the routine morning traffic rather than to enjoy it. But long train journeys are a real class act.

 

My travel started more as a whim. My father was supposed to travel. As he opted out in the last minute, I had to replace him. Thank my stars. As I look through the kaleidoscope , the other end of it shows a picturesque Ernakulum in Kerala. I reached the Chennai Railway station with two hours to spare . There was a huge amount of luggage to be carried over to the platform. So we engaged a trolleywala. You would be shocked if you hear the ridiculous and atrocious price he charged to carry the luggage from the entrance to the platform. The price was almost equivalent to a two way second class train ticket between Chennai & Ernakulum. But I must admit that my uncle is a master haggler. He made that trolleywala reduce his price by almost 70%.

 

As we parked all our luggage in the platform, it was time to take an idle stroll around the Railway station. Me and my cousin Girish took the idle walk along the platform. First, I excused myself and went in search of a loo to relieve myself of the pressure around my abdominal area :). Then we marched towards a VLR. I ordered myself a masal dosai and a masal vadai. With a burp, we walked out of the stall.

 

You see I have this bad habit of reading (Or you can very well say Pretend to be reading :-) ) while travelling. Whether or not I read, I buy something to fill the time and my brain with useless stuffs. So my next stop was Higgin-Bothoms. I scanned through a host of magazines and books and novels and zeroed in on THREE MISTAKES OF MY LIFE BY Chetan Bhagat( I wondered whether I had made my first mistake by buying this book :) ). I little realized that this would be one of my most enjoyable read. It was a really good read and I thoroughly enjoyed reading it.

 

The time was 8 pm and the train slowly started and so do my excitement. After all, it was a long time since I had my last train journey. We were 72 people travelling . So we booked an entire coach and half of another. As the train smoothly glided through various stations, I sank to my seat watching the wonder outside the window grill. I think there is a unfound happiness of watching the drama unfolding outside the window. As a child, I had the looked with amazement the bogies, engines, track changes, lush green fields . I must admit still I look at these things in awe n wonder .

 

As I was about to go to my dream world, someone knocked me and gave me three packages. The time was 9 pm and it was time for dinner. Girish's mom had prepared dinner for all of us. As I opened the first packet containing Idli and Molaga Podi (Chilli Powder mixed with oil ), a tinge of small flashed across my face. Allow me to ramble a few years back to my last Train journey . A trip down the memory lane.

 

Travel from Chennai to Mangalore. A trip to the lush & exquisite Western Ghats. Deepak, Kaushik , Ramani , Girish and Myself were travelling. Girish is a diligent fellow. As always he took the initiative of preparing food for the night. Most of us had directly come from office to the station. So we were damm hungry. Even as the train started each of us grabbed one food pack and starting satisfying our appetite. Deepak was late to join in the food grabbing incident. So that left with only one food packet. By the time he came, we had almost finished our dinner except for the customary finger licking. As Deepak opened his packet, a gruesome shock awaited him. Instead of idlis, it contained Girish's undergarments neatly packed with a plantain leaf and a Hindu news paper :) ROFL…… For almost the entire night we were laughing and laughing. We wondered whether we should have called it jetli instead of idli (The former closely resembles to undergarments in Tamil ).That was a real fun. :)

 

 Even as pleasant memories flashed past my mind, I finished my dinner adding Fried rice and Curd rice to the already list of Idli. As the average age of the contingent was above 55, young people like me were asked to take the upper berth. And with a heavy heart I departed my window seat and slowly climbed up. It was time for me to open the book I bought at the station. As I flipped through a few pages, I heard a sounds of coffeewala. My uncle stopped him to get a coffee… Soon others followed him. I am sure that guy would have made a good business. Slowly comments started coming in. My uncle accused the fellow of serving as hot water with 2-3 teaspoons of milk and little sugar. Others agreed. To be frank it was only like that.

 

Even as those accusations were happening, something suddenly struck me. I felt I was in an urgent need to purchase a few bananas. Most of you would be familiar with reason behind it. I have had a pretty bad experience of not having one during one of my previous travels which had created a ruckus in my stomach.

 

Time   11 pm. Station: Katpadi. I fervently searched for any shops with banana. Couldn't find one.

 

Then I retreated to my couch in the upper berth. Even as I continued with my reading, suddenly the lights went off. It was time for others to sleep. Slowly I closed the book as well as my eyes. Sleep was hard to come by especially in the cramped narrow space and with me measuring more than 6 feet , it was  very difficult to fit in. Finally managed to get some sleep. Dunno at what time I fell asleep. The next time I woke up, it was Salem.

 

Time: 12.45 am Station: Salem. As before , I checked shops with Banana. Couldn’t find one.

 

Time 4.00 am Station : Palakkad. As the train entered the platform, there was a tinge of smile in my face and a nostalgic feeling in my heart . It was my native place :)

Still no sight of a banana vendor

 

Time 6.45 am Station : Ernakulum. Atlast I reached the other end of the kaleidoscope. The magical journey atlast came to an end.The entire contingent made their way to the marriage hall while i made my way to a relative's house near by. 

Oh... forgot to metion... I relieved myself of the pressure in my stomach even without the help of banana....  :)

No Brainers.. Just for laugh....

Enough has been said about Satyam fiasco. About the poor corporate governance and blah blah blah... The company's reputation and its stock has taken a beating. Satyam has been stripped of its corporate awards. The economic stalwarts have been airing their views on this issue. The issue is pretty serious. So what am I to do now. Discuss how to improve the Corporate Governance?How to prevent another Satyam? Naa.. Naa.. Naa.... leave those things to people who are adept in handling such affairs. I want to discuss the lighter side of it.. I would like to discuss some plain vanilla facts.

Hmm... Okkey... so what are the facts.

What do Rajus have for their breakfast?

What do they have for their lunch & dinner?

which book is he currently reading and which God they are seeking refuge?

Who are the other accomplices along with Rajus ?

If you think that I am kidding better be serious and watchout... coz all of the above questions have answers.

Answers are as follows.

100 grams of `pulihora' (tamarind rice) and tea for breakfast.

250 gram of rice, 250 gram of beans and radish curry, rasam and curd for Lunch. Chicken curry, rice and rasam for dinner.

Raju is seeking solace in Buddha.

His inmates are two bootleggers or dowry offenders..

If you think I have taken all these things with help of a hidden camera in the jail... Just don't fool yourselves. Check here

What is going to follow is a pep conversation between the inmates and Rajus.

Disclaimer : This will never be funny if you are a Satyam employee. I pity for them. They suffer for no mistake of theirs. So please refrain from reading below if you don't feel like reading a satire on satyam.

The following is strictly NOT for Tamil Challenged Readers.

Along with Rajus one another celebrity inmate is there... He is none other than our Koundamani :) Hmm.. Let me keep the name of the other inmate as Narayanan.

Start Meesic.....

Kounds: Dei otta vai Narayana.... thiritu kanaku ezhudiye paadhi kaata vaangita...

Narayanan: adhu naan illa... adho unkanduthu irrukare avaru...

Kounds: yaar da vandhurukanga pudusa?

Narayanan: Yaaro thozhil adhibaram....

Kounds: Adadadada... Naatula indha thozhil adhibarunga thollai thanga mudiyala da... Punnaku vikkiravan... kundusi vikkiravan ellam thozhil adhibaram....

Narayanan: Anne appadi solladhinga ne... avaru periya vyabari....

Kounds: Amam ivaru periya kappal vyabari.... pichupuduven pichu....

Kounds to Raju: Ecuse me ... Your name pleese...

Raju: Ramalinga Raju...

Kounds: Dhank you....

Raju:Your name please....

Kounds:My name is kundalakesi.. 3rd standard... Avvayar aaramba padasalai....

Kounds: yedha thiridithu ulla vandha....

Raju: Idha parunga... thiridan nu mattum solladinga... naan en kudumba kastathukaga konjam dabbu abase panninen....

Kounds: Adhu enna thiridan na avalo elakarama... engalukum maanam maariyatha... vekkam velayudham... soodu soolayutham ellam irruku... Naanga onnum summa thirudala... naangalum enga vayathu pozhapuku than thiridarom... Nee un kudumba kastathukaga thiridinegarathukaga unna enna velli kambi jail la poduvangala... unakum adhe irumbu kambi jail dhan adhe kali than....

Raju: idhu than ennoda thambi Rama Raju... Let us be friends.....

Kounds: Neeye oru sori naai... unaku sorinju vidara naai andha naai... unga kooda kootu seruvena da... Apparam... naalaki idhellam saritharathula varum.. enaku sela veppanga... students ellam notes edupanga.. venam ba unga sagavasam.... Ayyo Rama... yenna yen intha maathiri karisala pasangalodalaam sera veikura.... enna aala vidungada saami...

Kounds and Narayanan Goes to their Bed.

In the meantime Dinner comes for all four of them.

Raju takes all the food for himself and starts eating....

Raju eats chicken in a manner never seen....

Kounds: Inniyoda chicken vamsame azhanjidhu da...

After eating all chicken and other food... Raju asks.. idhu enna rasama....

Kounds: anga vesatha vechurukanum... thappi thavari rasatha vechutanga....

Narayanan to Kounds: Avana parungale... evalo surutitum eppadi ippadi moonjiya vechuka mudiyudhu....

Kounds: Indha madiri vela seyyiravanga ellam ippidi than irrupanga....

Kounds to Narayanan: Inniki namma pattini than... vaa poi thoongovom....

Rajus retreats to their bed...

Okkey guys hope you enjoyed this... See you in another post soon...

New year Resolutions?

Are you currently working on some hot, freshly brewed, sweet and tasty un-broken New Year resolutions? Imagine those are the resolutions you had made and suppose that you have achieved all of them. Think how cool life would be :) I am sure life would always be a bed of roses. It would be like you have acquired a special God Particle which enables to act as God as well as Human. This means that you can do anything and everything possible, physically at least. Unfortunately this is not the case with most of us. I take the liberty in using the word "Most" because survey by leading Universities and researchers says that 4/5 people who take resolutions never keep them even till the end of January. By Feb, most of the resolutions are doomed.

Sometimes the very resolutions act as counterproductive. It increases those activities which we had initially wanted to quit. But isn't it a silly thing to wait till December to fix your resolutions? If you want fix them in March or July ? Hmm... I really don't understand why one needs to tie it to a specific date to pursue what one needs to do.

Ok. Now coming on how to effectively keep a resolution. Something that has worked wonders for me. Ahem,Ahem, with the word "worked" by now u might have guessed that i am lying. Indeed you are right. I have never been successful in keeping resolutions, New year or otherwise. So taking my advice is a sure recipe for disaster :). I am going to present you what researchers have concluded on how to go about a resolution. I read a lot of articles about resolutions and invariably everyone has the same thing to say. This is what University of Washington has to suggest.

• Have a strong initial commitment to make a change.
• Have coping strategies to deal with problems that will come up.
• Keep track of your progress. The more monitoring you do and feedback you get, the better you will do.

And a sure shot recipe for Failure includes

• Not thinking about making resolutions until the last minute.
• Reacting on a specific day and making your resolutions based on what's bothering you or is on your mind at that time.
• Framing your resolutions as absolutes by saying, "I will never do X again."

Stephen Covey, the famous author says those things which we want to change must align with the deepest values , motivations and with what is important to us. Otherwise there will not be any passion to stay committed when the going gets tough. This is especially true because we get distracted easily by a lot of things which acts against us in achieving what we want.

Some other points that is mentioned is

Don't set yourself up for failure with unrealistic goals

Make sure each goal includes clear measurement and specific deadlines

Write down the goals and review them. This increases the chances of achieving them.

Track your progress and reward yourself.

If you slip up, Recommit

Ohh...writing this seemed to be an herculean task for me. Following this would be next to impossible :) Remember what ever given above , I bet next time you will be scared & think twice before making one . :) Let me go out and get myself some fresh air while you start preparing your next list of resolutions :)

Skeletons in the Closet

Hello friends. Welcome to a brand new year. As we start this year, I wish you all the prosperity and good luck.

Well, I had plans of blogging something else. But as Oscar Wilde put it "The only way to get rid of a temptation is to yield to it" ,I yielded to my temptations writing about the Satyam sham (I use the word sham because "Breaking news", "scandal", "Fraud" had already been used by most of TV channels , newspapers and the India Inc) . By now everyone would be overdose with news about Satyam . But I am sorry I can’t help but write about it and its your fate to read this :-)

At the outset it was a really sad day for India Inc. The entire episode took everyone by surprise. It is being compared to the likes of Enron and WorldCom. And rightly so. The entire Satyam episode had been like a jigsaw puzzle. As the story unfolded following the confessions of Mr. Ramalinga Raju, everything seemed to fall in its right place (as of now). Dunno if we can still believe Mr. Raju (Check Here)

Going by the facts put by Mr. Raju,

5040 crores of non-existent cash
376 crores of non-existent interest accrued
1230 crores of liability arranged by Mr. Raju in his own capacity
490 crores of overstated debtors position

This adds up to 7136 crores. Now come to the Maytas deal. The whole company was valued at $1.6 Billion . When we convert 7136 crores in terms of dollars, it comes around $1.6 Billion. This is the exact amount missing from Satyam's accounts. Since this cash did not exist in Satyam's books and since the acquisition of Maytas could be done for nothing , it all made perfect sense. It was a tragic end to a thrilling story which otherwise would have ended on a happy note if it wasn’t for the villains (In the form of Investors and shareholders in Mr. Raju's opinion).

What would have happened had Satyam went ahead with Maytas Deal? I can’t imagine what would have happened but I guess the catastrophe would have been of a lesser degree. Thank God it didn’t happen. Else we wouldn’t have known the real truth (Satyam) behind it.

One good thing is he came out in the public and admitted his guilt rather than waiting for someone to find it. All these days he had been dancing with the skeletons in his closet. I am sure he would be a relieved man and would have had a better sleep last night. Unfortunately robbed sleep of many others.

But my heart goes out for all the 53000+ employees of Satyam who have toiled for years and now face this for no fault of theirs. I wish the Satyam Employees all the strength to bear all these shocks.